How To Make Your Relationship Better, TODAY!
Positive Psychology research has shown that individuals in healthy relationships live longer, healthier, and more fulfilling lives. Having a healthy emotional connection with another human being is one of the keys to establishing a sustainable happiness in life!
Human beings need love, intimacy and connection if they are to establish even a semblance of balance in life. However, despite needing relationship, most people are not very good at it.
We don’t keep in touch with friends, we tend to treat our loved ones worse than strangers, and we are slow to apologize or take responsibility for any of these mistakes. There are common mistakes that you can turn around today to make relationships stable, stronger and happier.
When we say things like, “I want better relationships” and then proceed to work 80 hours a week and forget to keep in touch with loved ones, we are showing the significance we give to those relationships. If we want to have healthy relationships, then we must make that a priority in our lives. A marriage or partnership only thrives if both partners are equally committed to it and maintain the relationship as a priority. So, if you want better relationships, you must think about those before anything else. This also helps with silly things like remembering to call, text or email someone. If that relationship is a priority, you will not forget it.
Say What You Mean
The mind is a powerful tool, but mind reading is still a skill that no one has mastered. In couple’s therapy, it is very common to hear at least one person say, “they should know what that means.” To avoid this miscommunication, you must explicitly say what you mean. This works in all relationships- not just romantic ones. Being vague in your communication is great if you like drama and being disappointed all the time.
Say How You Feel
Being honest with your feelings is a tricky thing because some emotions tend to scare people. For example: Even in loving relationships, you can feel anger and even disgust for your partner. However, your partner is not the cause of those feelings. You have chosen to define your reaction as anger or disgust. Thus, those feelings are yours and you are responsible for them. Sharing how you feel, then, must be couched in responsible language like, “When you _____ (fill in the blank), I feel ________ (share how you feel)”. You can even explain why you chose to feel like that! Still, be honest and take responsibility.
Time is Key
Sometimes you need to cool down. Myths like, “Never go to bed angry” forget to consider that some folks get cranky and make bad choices when they are sleepy. You can take a break from an argument and promise to get back to it. A new day and a fresh mind can make things clearer. Here, commitment to resolve the issue is key. Time does not heal all wounds.
How often do you touch the people you love? It is a weird question but important in this context. Some people do not consider themselves “affectionate” but that does not diminish the importance of touch in relationships. Whether it is a handshake, a pat on the back, or an intimate hug, physical contact ensures a lasting relationship. To that end, a 20 second hug releases oxytocin, a neurotransmitter which makes us feel safe and allows us to better process information. If you do not like hugs, hold someone’s hand a little longer when shaking or add your other hand to it. Make it a point to hug your loved ones, or have physical contact of some kind for at least 20 seconds and enjoy!
There are so many other things to do to improve our relationships. Just reading this will make you aware of some of the things you are or are not doing. We need to remember that it takes two people to have a relationship and both need to agree as to the importance of the bond. Ultimately, the key to all relationships starts with how you feel about them. Do you deserve a good relationship or an afterthought? If you believe you deserve the best, then do your best to create flourishing relationships in your life.