A Quick Blade Runner Primer in Tweets
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With Blade Runner 2049 opening in a few days, I felt pressure to familiarize myself with the original 1982 Blade Runner, so I rented it online and watched on a lazy Saturday.
Don’t have time to watch it this week? Get everything you need to know in my stream-of-consciousness Blade Runner reaction tweets.
From the beginning, I feared I was out of my league.
Already I have to use the pause button to read the opening info bc I don’t have a 1982 attention span. I am ashamed. #bladerunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
The plot line was immediately apparent, but I always question how such obvious negative consequences could not be foreseen.
Mistake: creating genetically superior robots that are as smart as & stronger than humans, & then using them as slaves. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
I was also slightly distracted that this movie, released in 1982, was about the future, in 2019.
The opening scene is in Los Angeles 2019. It looks pretty true to the present. #BladeRunner pic.twitter.com/z39gtbCLt8
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
First we met Leon. I didn’t know who he was.
Scene 1: Leon endures gas lighting & emotional abuse “test,” turns out he has a low tolerance for these. #BladeRunner pic.twitter.com/Bp3Q2KfcqT
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Then we met Harrison Ford, aka Deckard, aka Indiana Jones. He was hired under duress to kill the evil robots.
I know we are in 2019 L.A., but it is suspiciously like 2017 Coney Island. #BladeRunner pic.twitter.com/hoQePU84EE
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
I learned that Leon, some other man named Roy, and two women with names created by 6-year-old girls were all escaped Replicants, aka possibly evil robots that are super smart and strong and angry because they are used as slaves.
So the Replicants’ names are Roy, Leon, Pris and Zhora? Who named the women? #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
The future looked pretty grimy, but one of the perks was having designer artificial animals as robot pets.
I would like an expensive, artificial owl. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Deckard had his battle-tested ways of deciding who was a Replicant, so he can know who to assassinate. He asked some pretty weird questions to Rachael.
“Is this testing whether I’m a Replicant or a Lesbian?” – why is this quote not on t-shirts? #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Also, Deckard said that Replicants wouldn’t have attachment to photographs or any kind of memories.
Deckard says Replicants don’t have families or printed photos. Makes me regret not finishing my second child’s baby album. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Despite being the future, the scientists still had to wear really prehistoric looking fur coats in the lab, which looked like a walk-in freezer.
In this ice lab scene they would be excited to learn about @UniqloUSA Heat Tech fabric. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
The more I learned about Replicants, the more insecure I became about my identity.
Am…I…a Replicant? #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Also I totally would have dressed like the Replicant Pris if I was of age in 1982.
Pris has the look we always went for when we played dress-up in the 80’s as kids. #BladeRunner pic.twitter.com/MmXqi3qTG7
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Deckard was clearly conflicted about killing the Replicants, but I’m not sure at what point that happened, unless it was during the Lesbian Question.
I’m unclear how Deckard went from retired #BladeRunner to being extremely conflicted about offing Replicants
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Something that has definitely happened to me.
That thing where you think you have a memory but its not really yours? That happens to @nexus6_rachael and also humans. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Things got a little steamy and I couldn’t help but notice that Deckard had a 1970’s chest carpet.
In this version of the future, there is no Manscaping. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
I understand this future is dystopian, but I would think there would still be no need for clowns.
I wish J.F. Sebastian didn’t “make friends” that look like clowns. Creep factor 3000. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
We learn what the problem is.
“What seems to be the problem?”
“Death.”
This is still a problem in the present. #BladeRunner? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
And get a seemingly deep but also uninspiring lesson.
“The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” -Tyrell. Also Lao Tzu. Also does this mean don’t be your best? #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
The God of Biomechanics was mentioned sarcastically in passing. I’m not informed enough about this universe to understand the joke.
There is a god of biomechanics and a biomechanics heaven apparently in #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Blonde men are usually evil.
Is this possibly the first time we learned that bleached blonde hair = villain? #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
I seriously observed no blades.
With a name like #BladeRunner I was expecting more swords and knives.
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
If I did have a blade, I would use it on those mannequins.
I do not need a room full of inanimate Replicants with a laughing clown. #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Also, quick question….
So if the Replicants only live 4 years anyway, why do they have to be hunted/killed on Earth? #BladeRunner
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
This was #YOLO, before its time!
“Its too bad she won’t live. But then again who does?”
Indeed!#BladeRunner pic.twitter.com/Qd6ZUg2WIv? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
We got on a little bit of a rhetorical question jag.
“I didn’t know how long we’d have together. Who does?”
Ya’ll! #RobotsAreJustLikeUs #BladeRunner? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
In conclusion, maybe we are more like the Replicants than we are different from them.
The robots just wanna live! #BladeRunner pic.twitter.com/A4srG5fd0n
? CanCan (@AmazingCanCan) September 29, 2017
Stay tuned for the Blade Runner 2049 review, coming soon.
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Well there is a lot to unpack here. First, how can any kind of heaven involve any kind of science? Science is boring second, I dig the Ziggy Stardust look going on but am not clear if that is a chick or a dude but – wait was Ziggy a dude? Idk anyway in conclusion I am totally down with the lesbian t shirt idea, please update the article with how to order. Thanks.